Last session

Yesterday I got back my second draft on the Sutherland essay and I've improved from 66% to 70%. This was what I wanted and I'm happy that I've achieved it because someone told me that 70% means an A (though I'm not really sure about that) which is really good. This is at least something I can be proud of as I am a little afraid of the grade of the 3rd assignment.. 
As we talked about the last assignment and the mistakes we made yesterday, I got the impression that my draft has not been that good. We also corrected some of the sentences which we wrote in our essays. 2 of the examples were my sentences and when reading these sentences I realized that they did not sound very well. The main problem of both sentences was that I didn't use proper punctuation. 


Example of sentence:
In contrast, in the article in The Guardian Will Self states that he does not like the bowdlerisation in text messages which he partly blamed on his age.


Corrected sentence:
In contrast, in his article in The Guardian, Will Self states that he does not like the bowdlerisation in text messages, which he partly blames on his age.


I forgot to put two commas, which, after reading the new sentence, make the content of the sentence easier to understand. 


One or two years ago I used much more commas in my sentences. Probably because Germans use a lot of commas in their sentences since it is required by German grammar. English does not need many commas and my English teacher at university used to say the following about commas in English writing:
"When in doubt, leave it out." 


That is why I started to rethink commas before I use them and now it seems to be wrong what I did. Obviously, I should use them more. Another problem is that I learned not to use a comma after 'which' or 'that'. Because of that I didn't put a comma after 'which' in the sentence above.
Next time I'll try to do it better.